


Perspective

by silvereyedbitch



Category: Coldfire Trilogy - C. S. Friedman
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-28
Updated: 2013-12-28
Packaged: 2018-01-06 11:49:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1106462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silvereyedbitch/pseuds/silvereyedbitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Companion fic to my other fic called "Change." This one is from Tarrant's POV.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Perspective

Disclaimer: Don’t own these two lovely characters that I enjoy toying with. They will always be Friedman’s.

Setting: This is the companion fic to “Change.” While Change focuses on Vryce’s point of view, this fic focuses on Tarrant’s point of view of the same events. So, this takes place around the time Damien has rescued Tarrant from the Unnamed’s hell, and is before Tarrant wakes up from being rescued. It’s a total fluff-ball fic just like Change, so skip if that isn’t what you’re looking for.

Warning: M/M, and that’s it. 

PERSPECTIVE

When did my perspective change, I wonder? From the time I first encountered you, something must have begun. Slow, insidious, wending its way through my soul until I cannot help but react to it. Humanity. Its filth has ever clung to me since I began to travel alongside you. And it was only you. Always you. Ciani, despite her own human flaws and innate goodness, had no effect whatsoever. Senzei Reese? Please. Hesseth? Never. Not even Jenseny with her child-like innocence affected me. Centuries of semi contact with humanity had shown me what little good it did me to associate with such, much less assimilate. And so I chose my company carefully. Amoril. So little was human about that one even before he came to me. There were others prior to him who sought apprenticeship. Dead now, or as good as…  
How could this have happened right in front of me?! Looking back, I can see so clearly the points at which I diverged from my benefactor’s contract. And I did it so easily, without thought. But then, you did, too, didn’t you? I bent you to my own darkness just as you pulled me into your light. At first, I thought it was enough that I subvert you this way. Surely such miniscule things as human emotions could never overcome the walls of impenetrable darkness I had enshrined myself within. You would be the one to change. But I was wrong, so wrong… Am I angry with you for this? Strangely, no. For I know that you do only what is in your nature to do. You are a rare person, my priest. You who clings so desperately to his faith and ideals in the face of such evil as the world of man has never known. Such courage.   
When you saved me from my fiery prison in the Rahklands, I began to wonder. And again, the feeling grew stronger yet when you freed me from my entrapment at the hands of the Undying Prince. The confusion I felt upon each of those awakenings was overwhelming, but I gave it logical labels of mutual remuneration. I had saved you in the river, and then you had saved me from the fire. I gave you your only chance against the Undying Prince, and you freed me in return. These things I can fathom as a give and take that is necessitated by your dedication and loyalty, your nature. And then I found myself in hell…  
I shall not recount what befell me in that basement room you had prepared for me. It was of sufficient pain and suffering that it still bears weight on my soul just to recall it. Suffice it to say that I found myself bound by my own blood and word in the very bowels of that which I feared the most. And I did fear, priest; never doubt that. I feared with the absolute certainty of one who is without hope. Without…anything. I retreated within myself after a short while. It was the best defense I had against the Unnamed. And so I trapped myself within my body, cut off from sight and sound. But the Unnamed claimed my flesh, and so I hurt, priest. I experienced such dire agony as has never been available to apply to one man, and in such quantity. There aren’t words enough to describe…..  
I thought of you often in my entrapped state. And every time I did, I buried the thought back deep down within my mind. I never wanted the Unnamed to see that part of me. For all I knew, it had only brought me there because of the incident on the other continent and for no other missteps. Any secrets I could hold on to, I tried desperately to hide. But when you came for me…and you told it to search my soul for the belief that I was truly doomed…it found those thoughts. It recoiled from them. It saw something within me that I had previously denied the existence of. And in the end, this is what truly saved me. Not your bargaining skills, or induced pity, or feigned unattachment. You see, the fae always comes with a price…and it always comes with a way out. An undoing. A key to dispersing the curse, if you will. And when the Unnamed delved deep enough into my soul and found the hidden, half-drowned love that I held for you…it could do nothing more to me. It put on a good show of releasing me to you, but in truth it had no choice because once it discovered this, I was made privy to it as well. And its power over me ceased to exist.  
What can I say to convey to you the desperation and panic I felt upon having that knowledge thrown into my lap so suddenly? Like your Patriarch, I had buried and denied the existence of this for so long that it had become second nature to do so. And now, here it was in stark relief against the backdrop of all of my sins and iniquities. Truly, this is worse than what the Unnamed had planned for me. For surely, you will deny me, cast me off, leave me alone… This has proven too much for my overtaxed soul, and so I collapse when the Unnamed releases me from its bonds, and I sink into darkness, where I belong...  
I feel something settle down on my chest, a slight weight. A hand perhaps? I am barely able to make out that I am not in pain…physical anyway. Emotionally, I feel as though I have an empty space within my dreams where you should be, but will never be. Such an emptiness clings to the boundaries of my heart. And then…there is a feather light brush of lips upon mine, and my eyes fly open to look into your hazel ones. You stare back as though the surprise of being caught is too much for you, but my world-weary heart stutters in tempo with your own, and a heat that is unnatural to my being floods through me, volcanic in intensity. I kiss you back, and a small thrill of triumph runs along my spine as I see how much you want this, as I see how much you have always wanted this.   
But a kiss cannot last forever, and so it is with this one. But while our lips break apart, our hearts remain as one. I can feel them beating in rhythm with each other, and I know you will be here for me. You will always find me…and I you. I whisper to you softly, afraid to test the reality of this new love between us, “You came after me.” I say it out aloud to ascertain its truth, not as a question, but just to hear the fact audibly. You seem to be thinking something of your own right now, as if you, too, are still grasping at the new rules of this engagement. Your eyes show nothing but love and trust. Warmth I had never thought could be directed at myself. And you say to me as you lean forward into another embrace, “Always, Gerald. Never doubt it.” And I don’t. 

E/N: Aahh, have to just sigh at the fluff I’m putting out. After putting together Prey and Epitaph, I kind of needed something a bit more puffy for a bit, you know? At any rate, hope you liked this little companion fic, or at least didn’t hurl any heavy material at the screen…


End file.
